


If It was Meant to be

by SugawaraPls



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:00:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27226945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugawaraPls/pseuds/SugawaraPls
Summary: Finishing both the anime and manga of Haikyuu!!left a bittersweet feeling in y/n.Isn't it normal feeling slightly empty after finishing your favourite anime normal?But somehow for her, it left this pain she never felt before, a very intense pain that disrupts her everyday life.She just wants to be happy again , anything will do as long as it helps her,What she didn't consider is that a character that she's crazy in love with would be the solution to her problems.
Relationships: Sugawara Koushi/Reader
Kudos: 12





	1. Author's note

This isn't the first chapter just a smol author's note thing before the real chapter!

Hi! So this is my first Sugawara x reader and I'm really excited about it! I'll do my best to update as often as possible!

Comments and feedbacks are appreciated! thank you!


	2. Sugawara Koushi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”It feels like something inside me has died.”

It hurts.

That's all I could describe it. What is this emptiness? I've never felt anything so...painful , heavy , _depressing._

I sat on my bed, staring at my phone. I can't believe it's actually over, Haikyuu, an anime that I never thought I would actually love this much. I was never interested in sports anime for starters, the only sports anime I actually did enjoy was Yuri on Ice. 

Who would have thought a bunch of highschool volleyball players could steal my heart like this? 

It was a miracle that I actually took an interest in Haikyuu , A friend of mine who was a fan of the said anime was watching while I came over for a visit, next thing I knew I was cheering for Karasuno. I didn't even understood a single thing, I kept asking my friend questions that when I look back at now would have definitely make me laugh. 

" _Why is that guy wearing a different jersey?"_

_"WOW!! WHAT WAS MOVE THEY JUST DID?! THEY WERE LIKE WHOOSH! THAT'S SO COOL!"_

_"How many points do they need to win? ahh! the tension—_

_the suspense is killing me!"_

Thankfully, my friend was willing to answer my questions even if she did give me a couple of unimpressed looks haha

That one episode , Karasuno vs. Seijoh in the 3rd season was enough for me to actually push myself into watching the whole anime, while getting amazed by it enough for me to finish the manga. 

I wish I didn't jump on the manga that quickly though, I wish I waited patiently for the anime, I wouldn't be hurting like this if I did. 

It was 5:07 am, I stayed up reading the manga? I didn't quite notice the time, It felt like I was watching the anime , I could hear every cheer , every shout , every whistle—

I rubbed my eyes, setting down my phone on the space beside me,

I was crying? My eyes were hurting, my chest was heavy. 

Then realization hit me square in the face.

_It really is over._

Without doing anything else, I laid down on my bed, hugging my pillow tight and quietly cried myself to sleep. 

–—————————————————————

"Y/N?"

"Hey Y/N?"

"Y/N!!!"

"Huh..? What?"

I looked around the room I was in and noticed only me and my seatmate were left in the classroom. I sighed 

"What's up with you today? You're like totally spacing out more often than normal! I had to keep checking on you to make sure you don't fall asleep!" 

I just stared at her as she aggressively scribbles on a piece of paper

"I'm really sorry Cherry, It's just...I've been having a rough day and I just...can't right now, I'm really grateful for you keeping an eye on me though.."

She faced me , the anger in her eyes quickly disappeared replacing it with a look of concern and sympathy

"Hey...It's alright! What are friends for, am I right? Anyway...it's lunch time , we should go grab some food and we could talk about the stuff that's bothering you if you feel like it!"

before I could reply , She grabs my wrist and pulls me out of my chair, we were out of our classroom in no time , seems like Cherry is just as cheerful today 

a small smile forming on my lips at the thought 

————————————————————

"So...What's gotten you even more gloomy than usual huh? you look like a mess! Did you sleep properly last night? Did you even sleep at all Y/N?"

Cherry asks as she takes a bite from her sandwich , we were lucky enough to find a vacant table where there weren't much people around 

"It's pretty lame honestly...I don't even know why I feel so...depressed?"

She just kept silent slowly chewing her food , giving me a look that's urging me to continue 

" _It feels like something inside me has died."_

"I don't think whatever is making you feel this way is lame Y/N , could you tell me more?"

She puts down her sandwich and stares at me while I fiddle with the plastic wrapper of my own food 

I take a deep breath before speaking 

"Do you remember that anime I've been getting into lately?"

"Uh...Oh! Haikyuu right? What about it? Did your favorite character die?"

She says as a frown appears on her face 

"y-yeah...Haikyuu..well...I finished it”

a few seconds passed and we were staring at each other , she wouldn't understand , _I_ couldn't understand why I felt so empty 

"you finished the anime...? isn't that supposed to be a good thing? was the ending bad?"

Well that was unexpected– 

"No! It wasn't a bad ending but it was painful...very very painful"

"I know I wouldn't understand that pain you're feeling right now Y/N but is there anything I can do to help? Do you have a uh...husbando? was that right?"

She scrunches up her nose 

"yeah that's right...as a matter of fact , I do have one in Haikyuu , He's amazing , He's so kind and pretty and Oh! He gave up his spot as a regular on the team for an underclassman! He's so amazing Cherry! even his looks are amazing! He has this silverish hair and the most beautiful hazel eyes I've seen! He also has a beauty mark under his eye! It makes him look so mature but gentle at the same time! 

I Just! I'm so in love with him you know? and His Smile! His smile is just—”

I turned my head to see Cherry holding back her laughter , her hands pressed to her lips making sure not even a giggle could escape but she isn't really good at holding it in 

"what's so funny?"

she finally laughs loudly making other students turn to our table 

_embarrassing._

I let her compose herself as her laughter died down 

"So what's so funny huh Cher? "

"Hahaha I'm so sorry Y/N , It's just, the way you talk about him, It's as if he's a real person! Don't tell me you're actually in love in love with this guy are you? hahaha"

I just stared at her 

"you're kidding—”

“I don't really know what this is cher...but He makes me feel things...I know he isn't real and he will never be real but...I can't help myself? He might actually be a big reason why I'm hurting so much..?"

I hear her sigh as she stands up from her seat across mine 

She started clearing up our table , placing the plastic wrappers on our tray 

"I will never understand you Y/N , you've had husbandos before , what's so different about this guy? and how could a fictional character make you feel....things. I'll never know.

But anyway..lunch is almost over, we should head back, Let's talk more about _this guy_ while we walk."

I give her a small nod as I stand up from my seat , walking side by side we leave the cafeteria 

"I never got his name Y/N— Now look at me talking as if he's a real person!" 

" _Sugawara Koushi"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedbacks are appreciated! Thank you so much!


	3. Do you hear me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "wait for me"

"I tried snapping you out from wherever you were Y/N , seems like our teacher is just in a bad mood today...I'm so sorry you have to stay for detention.."

I smile at girl beside me , she was clutching her bag strap and her eyes were glossy

"it's alright cher...It was my fault, thanks for looking out for me..again, I really appreciate it, you go ahead I might finish late..."

just as she was about to reply, our classroom door bursts open , revealing a very irritated literature teacher 

"What are you still doing here Cherry? Do you also want detention like Ms. Y/N here?"

Cherry glances at me and I just gave her a nod 

"Ah...no sir , I'll be leaving now! see you laters Y/N! send me a message when you get home!"

I watch as Cherry quickly makes her way out of the classroom , the door slightly makes a loud noise making me and the irritated teacher in front of me wince 

"I swear I'll give her detention someday too.." I hear him grumble as he takes his seat at the teacher's table giving me a look of pure disappointment and irritation 

"so Miss Y/N , where has your head been today hmm? I heard you were out of it even with the other teachers?"

I stare at him emotionlessly , not really feeling the mood to talk to anyone right now, I take out a notebook and a pen, specifically used for my small doodles whenever I get bored in class 

"silent treatment eh? If that's how it is then so be it. That's an extra hour of detention. Bet that boy you're thinking about is waiting for you. hah." he snickers to himself 

_A boy huh..? I wish he actually was waiting for me.._

'sugawara koushi' I doodle his name on a blank page of the notebook , adding small designs here and there 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

He really is the reason why I get lost in my thoughts more often , I can't stop thinking about him , His eyes His smile His _everything_ , to his very first appearance in the anime to how his life went in the manga. 

He's so pretty , so wonderful. He doesn't get much screentime due to him not being in the regular line up but whenever he is in the game , He changes everything..

He works so hard , He's so smart and at the same time dorky 

He's the perfect balance of everything. He is _perfect_ , to me atleast. 

_was I actually In love love with an anime character..?_

_Is that even possible?_

_what should I do?_

Should _I go see a psychiatrist or something? how could I live knowing my feelings will never be reciprocated?_

_What's going to happen to me now..?_

My thoughts were interrupted by a book being smacked on my table , I guess I was too lost in thought again ..

"Y/N! your detention is over! I've been calling out to you for 15 minutes now! Unless you do actually like detention , You better leave!"

I quickly put my stuff in my bag , grumbling a sorry as I pass by the teacher's desk , decreasing my speed as I approach the school gates , It was almost dark...

It was a good thing I made Cherry go ahead or else she might have waited a long time...

a sigh escapes my lips and I make my way home

————————————————————————

I didn't know how long I stood in front of my bedroom door, all I know is that the unbearable pain in my heart was back , My body seemed to forget how to breathe and my head was throbbing 

was I having a panic attack? Why? 

I could feel the tears starting to form and not long after I was crying a river 

sobbing uncontrollably still trying to gasp for air, I fall on my knees , hugging myself tightly 

_someone please....help me...Help me! please...anybody.._

suddenly I felt lighter , a wave of calmness washes over me , my crying stopped and my breathing was back to normal 

what happened..? 

" _wait for me"_ a male voice said , it sounded oddly familiar...

I quickly turned around 

I was alone..?

"Who are you...?" 

A few seconds pass and I'm fully convinced I've gone crazy. First I seemingly fall in love with a fictonal character , now I'm hearing things! I really should go see a psychiatrist soon...

" _I'll see you soon...just wait for me"_

Screw the psychiatrist, I need a priest, I think I'm being haunted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedbacks are appreciated!  
> I hope you enjoyed!  
> Thank you so much!


	4. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Cool place you got here , but we gotta go"

The skin on my fingers were getting wrinkly from standing under the shower too long, I couldn't get that voice out of my head, I swear I wasn't going crazy , maybe I was being haunted?

_a voice so calm , so pure , so...familiar?_

where have I heard that voice? 

In school?

In a movie?

In a game?

In an _anime?_

_anime...anime?_

_Sugawara Koushi._

Yeah. I officially lost it, the pain and despair was too much for me, I'm starting to hear their voices in real life. 

I should probably finish up...

I turn off the shower and tied a towel around me, was I really that heartbroken for fictional characters affect my life like this? It just goes to show that Haikyuu was something else. I don't regret watching it though , Pain is something I usually welcome with open arms though, but this...this is 

_different._

I look at myself in the mirror above my sink, what a pitiful sight. 

My eyes were red and puffy, bags were starting to form, red, puffy, emotionless eyes.

————————————————————————

As I was about to open my door, I could hear someone from the other side, 

Did a friend come visit without telling me?

Was I being robbed? 

Am I going to die? 

Shit. 

I don't really have anything in here to defend myself! My mind was showing me scenario after scenario of what could possibly happen if I leave my bathroom.

I'm really going to die aren't? 

I should just confront whoever was on the other side and just accept my fate. 

I don't have anything else to live for anyway. 

Might as well die and maybe if I'm lucky I'd be reborn into my favourite anime or something. 

I snicker , as if that was possible. 

Let's just get this over with—

before I could even open the door myself , It was already being opened 

My breath got caught in my throat as I laid my eyes on who was on the other side 

” _cool place you got here, but we gotta go”_

He grinned at me making my heart beat twice as fast

”S-Sugawara?!" 

On the other side of my bathroom door stood none other than Sugawara Koushi 

"The one and only, sugar" He said with a bow 

"Holy crap I'm crazy...Did I die? was I actually robbed then murdered? Are you my grim reaper?" 

A smirked formed on his lips and he held his hand out 

_Holy Shit._

If I did die , this is amazing! 

"Hey Y/N! hahaha stop staring at me and let's go! the other's are waiting ya know? It isn't really polite to make people wait!"

He chuckled at me and grabbed my wrist as he led me through a door that seemed to sparkle

Where did that come from? 

Oh well. Wherever Sugawara goes I'd go in a heartbeat.

But...where were we going? 

"H-Hey uhh Sugawara-san..?" 

I wasn't sure if I need to add the honorific since he is technically from Japan..isn't that like a sign of respect? 

"Suga is fine Y/N , what is it?" 

He smiled at me , he was still leading me through a portal thingy 

He's literally an angel. His smile was blinding and it was everything I imagined it would be... 

"You're staring again" He chuckles 

"I'm so sorry! It's just, where are you taking me? Will you take me to god cuz like I died didn't I?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Y/N but there is a guy waiting for us that kinda looks like jesus, Anyway we're here , don't get too overwhelmed aight? and If I don't remember who you are don't get frightened, just enjoy and live your life!"

and with that he opened a door, rays of light came pouring out I had to block my eyes or else I might have gotten blind

Sugawara pushes me a bit for me to step out, I look back as I see him closing the door with him still on the other side 

"w-wait...!"

the instant the door closed it disappeared into thin air 

I'm alone. 

I inspect my surroundings, a blue sky , fresh air, trees that were healthy 

It feels like I'm the country side or something...

In front of me was a big building...It looked like

_a gym...?_

why does it look familiar?

A couple of voices could be heard from the inside

Was that a ball hitting the ground..? Were they playing basketball?

I couldn't stay outside forever, I made my way to the doors that seemed like the entrance , sliding them slowly as to not make noise 

but it still made a sound in the end that caused the people inside to completely stop what they were doing 

a volleyball rolled to my feet and I pick it up

a volleyball..? It looks alot like the volleyball 

_Karasuno uses..._

wait...

I quickly turned my head up and It felt as if cold water was splashed on me

_The Karasuno Men's volleyball team..!_

————————————————————————

All eyes were on me and seemed like nobody wanted to move 

until Daichi cleared his throat and approached me 

_Holy shit, It's Daichi_

_Daichi Sawamura_

"Hello , Is something wrong..? Do you have business with the Volleyball club?"

My breath hitched 

"Oi Daichi! You're scaring her!" 

_Coach Ukai..!_

"ARE YOU A NEW STUDENT?! WHAT YEAR ARE YOU IN?!" 

I see two figures quickly running towards me 

_Nishinoya and Tanaka_

My head felt light and I feel like I was going to puke 

I hear more voices but I couldn't make out who they were and what they were saying 

Next thing I knew 

_everything was black._


	5. Special Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be special chapters here and there that has nothing to do with the main plot!  
> I hope you guys enjoy them too! 
> 
> Thank you so much!

"I can't believe you guys actually dragged me to a random cemetery in the middle of the night!"

"What's wrong Y/N? you aren't scared are you~?" 

Nishinoya says as he walks towards me with a smirk forming on his face 

The Karasuno volleyball team full of massive dorks. We talked about our plans for halloween and some smart ass suggested we go ghost hunting, I didn't think they were actually serious

We had a match against Nekoma tomorrow and these idiots were supposed to be resting. Well most of them , the third years weren't here

They're so going to kill me if they find out about this 

an angry Daichi is scarier than any ghost we would find here—

And hell— 

I'm totally getting nagged by Sugawara too 

just thinking about the consequences made my head hurt 

"Hey Y/N!! I said the third years are here!!"

Tanaka was shaking me back and forth 

I guess I zoned out again 

The third years..? _well shit_

I was hoping I'd deal with them tomorrow—

or never.

”H-Hey you guys! what are you all doing here hehehe...?" 

"Apparently Hinata couldn't contain his excitement and accidentally told the third years" 

Tsukishima replies with his usual bored uninterested tone 

"Yeah , we couldn't let you guys cause trouble in the middle of night"

Daichi let's out an annoyed huff and makes his way over to Noya and Tanka 

I watch as he lectures them , glad that he didn't say anything to me 

"ehem Y/N”

_fuck._

”o-oh hey Sugawara...uh..w-what's up?"

his gazed sent chills down my spine, his face wore a look of utter disappointment 

_guess I'll die then_

"Oh I don't know Y/N , but It definitely shouldn't be you guys."

"O-oh..! Hehehe I guess...

.....

...

I'm sorry okay! I wasn't part of any of this! They just dragged me here and I had no choice but to follow , knowing how they usually are when they're alone! I swear this wasn't my idea!"

He just sighs and massages his forehead, a look of irritation appeared on his face 

"Let's just get this over with, what did they plan?"

upon hearing what Sugawara asked Noya and Tanaka seemingly appeared out of nowhere and were no longer being scolded by Daichi 

"Well well well I'm glad you asked Suga!"

everyone gathered around the duo, some were overly excited like Hinata and Kageyama 

the third years excluding Asahi were annoyed , while Asahi was slightly shaking 

the rest of the second years and Yamaguchi were neutral 

then there was Tsukishima—

That's all I could describe how he's acting right now , just straight up 

_Tsukishima_

"We have gathered y'all here tonight—”

”Just get on with it already Nishinoya!"

I better stay away from Daichi for now, I feel like he's going to snap any moment at the duo and just throw anything or _anybody_ that's closest to him 

and I wouldn't want to be that person 

"Anyway— 

we set up different clues and riddles around the cemetery! Your goal is to find the hidden prize in the cemetery and the only way is to follow said clues! You will go by pair and have a specific color for your team! My buddy Tanaka here will announce who will be your partners be!"

"Ahem— First up, the Blue team , Kageyama and Tsukishima”

all of us turned our heads towards Tsukishima , the aura he's giving off could seriously compete with Daichi and Suga right now 

I sighed , we haven't even started and I could already tell this is going to be utter chaos 

————————————————————————

I ended up with Sugawara on the green team 

Well—

I wouldn't normally complain if we ended up together as a team but hecc 

He's quiet, a little _too quiet_

I jumped when he suddenly placed his hand on my shoulders 

"Our first clue Y/N”

I released a breath I didn't know I was holding

He's seriously going to be the death of me one day 

"Don't do that Suga! I thought I was going to have a heart attack!"

"I didn't know you were such a scaredy cat Y/N , If I knew I would have held you hand the entire time~"

He says with a smirk 

"I'm not! you were just so quiet, It scared me!" 

he gave me a reassuring smile and held my hand 

_oh crap_

maybe this is my chance to finally get closer to Suga..! 

I better thank Noya and Tanaka for this—

”SOMETHING TOUCHED ME!" 

He suddenly jumps and runs still holding hands therefore I was practically being dragged 

"W-Wait Suga..! I'm not as athletic as you are! I'm going to trip!"

and as if on cue , I tripped on something 

what a great night , First I get dragged out here when I should be sleeping , Suga got irritated at me and now I'm going to die if not from the fall , then from embarrassment 

I wasn't even able to get close to Sugawara as much as I wanted to before I die but I guess luck just isn't on my side 

But before I could hit the floor, A pair of muscular arms caught me 

_Maybe luck is actually on my side—_

”I'm so sorry Y/N! I totally forgot yoyr lowest grades were on Physical Education!"

_on second thought , I'm going to punch this guy._

"Wow. My hero~" I say in a sarcastic voice 

He giggled a bit and pulled me back up 

"Seriously though , I'm sorry haha"

"so something really did touch you back there? I thought you were some acting prodigy"

He gasped and dramatically places a hand to his chest 

"I'm offended Y/N! I'd never play you like this"

_nope, He totally would If he was given the chance_

I gave him a skeptical look which made him chuckle 

"yeah yeah , It could have been a branch or something"

"so who's the scaredy cat now huh? hahaha I think you should text the others , it isn't really safe , knowing them something pretty bad could happen"

He just laughs and takes out his phone 

the screen lighting up his face was pretty He had a calm look and he seemed contented? 

I may be reading his facial expression wrong but it doesn't look like he's annoyed anymore , He had a small smile on his face and His eyes were happy 

and If he was happy 

_so was I_

"You're staring Y/N”

“ _I love you.”_

he slowly turned towards me with a look I couldn't quite read 

"what was that Y/N?"

_did I just say that out loud?_

_"_ what do you mean?"

I gave him the most innocent look I could muster 

_I really want the earth to just swallow me up right now._

_"_ right...the guys said they are on their way to the entrance, let's go"

he grabs my hand and we both walk off in silence 

————————————————————————

to our surprise everyone was already there, I wonder how did the other teams do and did anyone actually find the prize?

"You guys are such kill joys! just when it was getting good too!" 

Noya huffed and crossed his arms which made me giggle 

"OI! I MADE Y/N GIGGLE“

"DUDE! THAT WAS SO CUTE! NOT AS CUTE AS KIYOKO BUT STILL!"

the duo was suddenly chopped on the head by none other than Sugawara 

"you both better shut it"

they immediately shut up and we started walking back

sometime into our peaceful walk when suddenly Kageyama stops , we all turned towards him with curiosity clear on our faces 

"what was the prize?"

Me and the other third years deadpanned 

of course Kageyama will bring this up 

"ohoho~? do you really want to know Kageyama kun?" 

Tanaka asks 

"well...I think everyone wants to know?"

He isn't wrong though , even I was curious as to what the prize was 

"well Tanaka , looks like they're all eager to know!"

"3

2

1"

"L O V E !!"

_what?_

_"_ HA?" 

a chorus of 'what's and 'ha's were released 

I wasn't expecting that 

"Well, It was more of something for Y/N and Suga but If your relationship with your partner became better then isn't that a bonus?"

wait

"WHAT?" me and sugawara faced each other 

I could feel my cheeks heating up, even if it was really dark out right now , I could still see the little pink that dusted on Sugawara's cheeks 

the moon illuminated him so perfectly , why does he make everything perfect around him? If being that perfect was a crime I bet he was already on the death row...

and just like always 

_he is amazing._

"I don't know why you guys did this but Y/N almost got hurt and I'm not particularly happy about that, but maybe all this isn't going to waste"

I looked at Sugawara wide eyed , what the hecc is he saying?! 

He then sent me a smile, the very same smile that sent me falling for him 

_He's seriously going to be the death of me one day._


End file.
